purell.

It’s 1:30 am.

I just applied for my first nursing job.

My chances of getting this job?

1 in 13,000

I did it anyway

and

it felt good.

(i think)

Life is kind of intense right now. Everyone has so many expectations ((or maybe it’s just me, projecting my expectations of myself onto other people, who I then imagine are projecting them back onto myself. Probably this.))

Nursing will be great, but with graduation so close, and so many perceived or non perceived expectations, I’m finding myself wondering if it really will be great. Honestly, I’m kind of scared. Especially after today, when at clinical ((thinking I was being an awesome nurse in training)) I put together this little bundle o’ toiletries to make my young patient more comfortable, but accidentally gave her lubricant gel instead of Vasoline. The mother was mildly pissed, thinking it was hand sanitizer that she just put in her daughter’s hair. I assured her it was not hand sanitizer, but even though the package clearly read “Lubricant Gel” she could not be convinced otherwise. Lubricant Gel/Vasoline what’s the difference!? It is HUGE apparently. The mom? Not happy. No mind the other 500 (exaggeration) things I did for her daughter, at this point, it was all about the “Purell.” …whoops…

Make my chances of getting the job I applied for 1 in 15,000.

Crap. Am I stressed? …. … I think I’m stressed.

What I need to do is make a plan for my life. Maybe a list would make me feel better. Lists always make me feel a little better, because secretly, even though it probably seems that I do most things on a whim or make all my decisions last minute; the truth is, I like a little organization.

(Real life) Plans after graduation aka The “to do list”:

0. Get out of Bal’mer.

1. Epic road trip with my buddy and her pup… See things in the US that I’ve never gotten around to seeing:

a. yellowstone b. moab c. glacier national park d. the grand canyon e. yosemite

2. Hike through India. Visit some ngo’s and find future wish list employers:

a. mother theresa’s missionaries of charity? b. birthing center, goa? c. awwa? d. find out how to start my own clinic?

3. Secure a job/continue education in either:

a. seattle (UW)  b. portland (OHSU) c. denver (UC) d. boston (harvard) e. philly (u penn)

4. move to to where my job/school is.

5. live there. try really hard to stay put and stop moving

6. join a club- commitment(???).

a. join a real club b. make up a club and force all my friends to join.

Okay… there’s my five year plan in in six easy steps. …feeling good….