st. alice.

today shlomy and i decided to go up to the mountains for the day and do a “beginners hike” on st. mary’s glacier. notice the contradiction/oxymoron in that sentence? “beginners hike on a glacier”… that’s as nonsensical as double bacon cheeseburger loving vegan. yah, doesn’t work… at all. so we started up hill feeling slightly drunk on account of the elevation gain, stopping occasionally for hydration breaks to curb the tipsy. once we got the the base of st. mary’s we strapped on the snow shoes and started out, making a horizontal trek across the glacier. problem number one: this is when i noticed the paw prints. “shlomy! there are polar bears here! do you see these paw prints!? those are polar bear paw prints for sure!!” raaaachel (placating voice) those aren’t polar bear prints!” “omigosh, they totally are!” i explained to him about how once on national geographic i saw a special on polar bears where i learned that if you actually see the polar bear and the polar bear sees you, you are basically already a dead man. we were wearing bright colors so we would be dead for sure.

(this is where shlomy is literally asking me if i am really sure that i want to admit that i actually thought there were polar bears in colorado…i matter of factly inform him that i have no shame when it comes to my blogs, not only that, but if my friends who read my blog can ask about the possibility of foot transplants or pretzels being made of vegetables, than i am quite sure that i have nothing to fear in being myself here).

but back to the glacier.

problem number two. so there shlomy and i are trekking across the glacier, and i am pooped, and as much as i want to make it to the top, i also don’t care about getting to the top, because i really just want to get back to the car and blast the hot air and take off the heavy boots that are strapped to my feet, and bust into that sweet sweet chocolate… but that said, shlomy so enthusiastically states, “we got this far, we can’t turn back now! hey, rae are you tired, wanna stop?” yah, err. uh-huh. i’m supposed to answer that, how? yah, that’s what i thought…we kept trekking.

however, it was not too long before i am realizing that actually, this glacier seems really steep. like really steep. maybe it happened when my foot slipped, maybe it happened when i realized i had my hands in front of me, and with my hands in front of me, i was actually touching the glacier, maybe it happened when i turned around and realized if i actually fell, i might die. and if i didn’t die, i would be writhing in pain. writhing.

at this point, the panic began to set in, and when i say that panic ‘set in’ it actually sounded something like (g rated), “i’m going to diiiiieeeeeee… freaking freak freak freak! i’m in colorado on a glacier and i’m going to diiiiiiieieeee!!! i don’t want to diiiiieeee!!! i haaaatttteee you!!!! this was sooo stupid!! we’re going to diiiieeee!!”

so yah, we didn’t die. we made it down okay, and my dreams of warm cozy car, and yum chocolate, and free feet were eventually realized.