the view from here

Oh the life of a college student living in the city…with no car… who is in need of napkins.

My bike, though I love it, only fits about one bag of groceries. So what do you do when you have to buy tofu, bananas, laundry detergent, and napkins? It’s like “The Perfect Storm.” It’s practically a crisis situation.

Observe:

I told my napkins to stay on, and I was only semi confident that they actually would- but after just getting out of a 7 1/5 hour Sunday class, I was too tired for things like good-judgment or rationale. They took way too much energy at that point.

Ever have one of those days? So this is how it played out: First it started to sprinkle. (And by the way: Walking in the rain? Good. Running? Better. Biking? I’d rather memorize 15 drugs- for fun.) Then, I dropped my keys in the middle of the crosswalk (remember the long class/tired/lack of judgment thing?) So I turned around, grabbed my keys and while bending over, my beloved orange tic tacs fell out of my pocket. I laughed. But my napkins? Intact.

I made it halfway home- feeling like “Yah, I could buy napkins anytime! No biggie! …but then when I glanced back I noticed my napkins had dislodged themselves. Did I turn around for them? Um. Yes.  There they were, rectangular and bright yellow packaging- in all their recycled-napkin glory. I grabbed them, (keys and orange tic tacs now safely zipped into my pocket) held them in my left hand, smiled at the elderly couple in the car who did not run me over (or my napkins for that matter) and went on my way- noticing that the drizzle had stopped.

The days of getting to pick more than five items at the grocery store are long gone. The days are here when I have to choose between salsa and a pound of grapes, buying napkins stresses me out, and toilet paper? (shudder) yah, that’s a 45 minute bus ride- You better bet your buns, we’re stocked up on that stuff. I don’t want to be biking through the drizzly city droppin my TP in the middle of the intersection. (I don’t care if it’s packaged- I’d adopt the same rule we have at the hospital- “If it drops, leave it!”

oh city. You make me miss my car terribly.

…as she exited the building; her anatomy and physiology class completed… forever.

yup, that was me this morning. i am SO happy! nursing school starts three weeks from today, so out of the 56 or so weeks  since i’ve been taking classes non stop to get my prerequisites done for nursing school, i have about three weeks to breathe.  i never thought this day would actually come. but it’s finally here, and it’s just as glorious as i had imagined.  and i imagined it a lot.

so this “preparation-for-preparation” phase of my life is officially over and i am now moving into the “preparation-for-career” phase. though i’m nervous as heck and scared, i am also really excited for the opportunities i will have during the program. i’m most excited about the birth companion program, since my goal is to work primarily with women as a nurse midwife and teaching preventive methods to people living in poverty in developing countries.

anyhoo. i’ll be blogging for my school soon. so i’ll be on here less.  you’ll be able to access it through the my school’s website->nursing->student blogs… i’m sure it’ll  only be like once a month with the busy-ness and all, but i’ll be writing about all the amazing things i’m learning and experiencing- things like, “i drew blood today!” (maybe interesting to you? haha!)  yay!

so it’s been nearly eight months since my tragic little injury, that kept me from doing one of the things i love the most-

running.

if you’ll recall from my september-ish, posts, i was full of much lamenting, mourning, grieving…whatever. i really missed running in a big way, and i literally went through the process in stages. first there was the denial- yes i actually kept running on it- telling myself that i just had a REALLY stiff muscle, until i was limping severely and unable to walk like a normal person. it was mildly embarrassing.  then, there was the anger. i tried to replace running with swimming, but i found that with every stroke, i’d feel myself hating the water even more, only because i felt like i didn’t choose swimming, it was one of the only exercises i could manage, so swimming chose me.

((i still have my swimming pass. it’s definitely not my favorite way to get my heart moving, but i no longer glare at the pool before i jump in.))

then there was grief- it sucked. when my roommate ran the marathon that we were both signed up for, i think for the first time in my adult life, i went to bed at 7:00, (after sleeping the entire afternoon) because i hated the day and i wanted it to end.

after that, came acceptance, well lets call it a  kind of “begrudging mild acceptance”- and then it was back to the pool for laps.

so anyway, here i am, as i said nearly eight months later. i’ve taken up running again, though very, very slowly- and this time, i’m actually learning some lessons.

first, running doesn’t define me. i guess outward accomplishments never really should- i’d like to think that we’re all more accurately “defined”, if we are defined by the inward person. but, i wasn’t thinking about that. instead, i felt somehow defined for my affinity for running long distances. i liked that i could wake up way too early, lace up my shoes and know that thirteen miles was no big deal. i liked that people thought it was so crazy that i could run like that, because for me, it was easy and i loved the feeling of release and strength it gave my body and mind. part of running defining me was that i liked that it made me sort of ‘unique’, and being drawn the unique-ity of uniqueness is probably pretty typical- so not really unique at all. so while i spend more time walking or swimming, i’ve tried to be more intentional about being introspecitve and ponder how my inward person is defining me.

second, i’m learning some self control. this sounds ridiculous… maybe. but if you’re a runner, you may be able to relate. when i first started running again a few months ago, i was allowed to run in five minute intervals. basically i spent a lot of time walking in my running shoes. more than anything, i wanted to keep on going and not stop when i hit my five minutes. it just was so unfulfilling somehow, and terribly unfair. but as strong as my will was to run i knew that  if i ever wanted my stride back, i had to limit myself. i never run everyday anymore, and i try to stay off of pavement when i can. it’s hard, especially when i think about how things used to be, but now, it’s just not worth it.

and last, i’m learning to respect my body. admit it, when you’re young and everything works well, you just take advantage of it. we don’t think about our achy muscles and problem backs that will cause us pain in our 40’s when we’re in our 20’s.  not only am i guilty of probably causing my own injury by not being more careful, but i am also guilty of doing stupid things like walking in crappy shoes that kill my feet, just because they’re cute. i want to be able to summit mt rainer,  trek the himalayas, and trek the andes. I want to explore new zealand, finish the israelli trail, backpack in scotland, and hike the appalachian trail… and believe it or not, i’ll probably not be in my 20’s, when many of my trekking dreams are realized.

so… my incentive is also someday.

anyhow, there is my little update on running. two weeks ago i ran three miles on a nice soft wooded trail and it felt great and i enjoyed the trees and the sounds of left over fall leaves, crunching under my feet.

i still love running and some days, especially when the sun is bright, i can’t wait to get out and move, the difference is the self awarness and respect i’ve gained from my limitations.