mourning the stride. leg update number 2. September 30, 2008

as the title of this blog suggests, things are not looking up for me (as the portland marathon approaches in five days),  ((not that it’s all about the marathon… but it is some sort of pinnacle for long distance runners)).

that said, here’s the new deal. the old deal was that it was probably a stress fracture. the new deal is- low and behold, after the worst day of pain, where i could only but ‘hobble’, the leg miraculously and mysteriously began to heal! after much prayer and pleading, wincing, and feeling extremely sorry for myself as i sat crying on a bench after i had to hobble a  few hundred feet, which caused me to let go of my small thread of hope of being able to run by the 5th …the pain began to diminish. truely. it was as if the pain was a kind of slow leak in a helium balloon that was gradually letting itself out.

i had hope. renewed hope that this would all pass.

each day it gets better. as i type this now, there is no ache in my leg, there is none at night, the limp is pretty much gone, and i can even stand on one foot in a sort of pink flamingo type pose. no pain.

my thread of hope was becoming more like yarn. i had a yarn of hope!!

however, today at the gym, for the first time, instead of cycling and swimming i tried the elliptical. no pain. nothing. i decided to see what would happen if i just tried a very small stride. very small.

um. this is the worst part of the new deal. the stride is the ONLY thing that i can’t do. i can do:

stairs, chairs, and bikes, not to mention, pools, ellipticals, and hills! why not the stride? whyyyy?????

i know what some of you are thinking… it’s probably in your head…

WHAT!? omigosh, do NOT think that!!!

i mean, if i could conjure up some ailment it sure as heck wouldn’t be “malfunctioning leg with a phantom pain that only manifests itself when i attempt a stride.” i would so pick something less devastating, something like a hairline fracture in my right pinky- it’s not like i use the semi colon on the keyboard all that much anyway.

my yarn is back to a thread. a single thread. but i have five days… in the meantime. i am seriously mourning. i drive or cycle down the street, and i seriously (seriously i do this) i think, “ohhh… i remember that one morning when i ran there. why did i take advantage of my stride, oh stride, if only i had known…”

i miss running.

you have got to be kidding me, or… it’s a quarter past daisy. September 28, 2008

our story begins with a consumer. although she’s trying hard to cut down on superfluous consumerism, she has found that after three cheap and broken, (albeit cute), target watches, and being very tired of never knowing the time, she realizes that she should and must purchase a watch that will last a while.

enter, me.

“i need to buy a watch”

lady at the counter: (picture orange tanned ‘mom’ donned in american eagle, with lots and lots of bling)

“ohhhh reeeealllly, well i can definitely help you with that!! what exactly are you looking for?”

me: “well  lets see, i’m not into fancy, not gold, not too big- my wrists are freakishly small, pleeeease- not the fake diamond studded fossil watches, and oh yah, not leather. something simple and reliable would be nice. “

sales lady:”hmmm. so are you saying you want something hippie?”

me thinking: daaaaannng, she’s good.

so sales lady proceeds to pull out the “hippie” line of watches adorned with daises, peace signs, and lots of jingle.

me: “hm. they’re okay. i’m not really into jingle, you know i was thinking something more simple, plus woah… can i even tell the time on this baby?!”

incredulous look from sales lady.

“well, honey, no one is buying watches anymore to actually tell time. They’re more ‘accessories’ now. I mean look at this one- it has charms! They look like bracelets! They are soooo cute!”

i am confused, or very out of touch with consumer culture… really?

me: “well i actually want a watch to tell time, you know?”

saleslady: “yah, but… i mean, are you actually going to use it for that?” (blink, blink, big big smile)

me: “um…. er… i mean… yah. i… um… i wanted to, um, you know get a watch to tell time, it’s kind of important, i never know what time it is.”

saleslady: “oh time!! who needs it!? who cares what time it is!!”

hmmm. she kind of has a point, sometimes. like when you’re on vacation or talking to the hottest guy ever on the phone. however, i’m not on vacation, but i am looking at my bare wrist a lot thinking, dude, what time is it?

i tried to be strong, i did. however, sometimes persuasion wins out and so she finally convinced me. i got a cute watch…however, no jingle, no charms, no bling… just daises on a horseshoe. hippie. very.

can i tell the time? yes, and no. if you ask me, after a long pause, i may respond with

“it’s three o clock??”

leg/marathon update. September 23, 2008

ug.

i literally had my computer out, ready to write an excited post dripping with glee about how my pelvis issue was probably a strained muscle.

then…

the phone rang.

“it’s probably a stress fracture”, she tells me-

“what the?” i say.

‘i thought it was a strain” i then say.

get an x-ray, i’m very sure it’s a fracture”, she tells me.

i hate october 5th.  i’m going to lock myself in my room, that techinically has no door… or maybe i’ll just pig out on some gluten free chocolate chip cookie dough soy ice cream, watch a sad movie, and throw myself a hardcore pity party.

either one of those pitiful little scenarios or i’m driving to the coast and throwing myself a beach-pity party as i hobble to the shore and watch the waves crash on Haystack

or… i’ll just study and steer clear of downtown portland and pretend it’s not october 5th for a day.

strained muscles …and other injuries. September 21, 2008

ouch.
That’s the first thought that entered my mind this morning after I pulled back my covers and my feet gingerly touched the floor.
The first word?
“Why?” But not a simple, ‘why?’ it was more of a painful and knowing and whiney, whhhhhyyyy??? Followed by a dramatic sigh and then an even more dramatic moment as I fell back onto my bed, pulled the covers over my head and did some more whiney and squealy  “WHY-ing?!?!?”
here’s the issue, the why of all my why-ing if you will… running induced injury.

Normally pain like this doesn’t matter so much, it’s not the worst pain I’ve experienced, and much as I don’t like to do it, anti-inflammatories even help some…however, the problem is this; two weeks from this very day I am supposed to be checking one of my life goals off of my list (see “the list” somewhere archived in January- a marathon. enter more sighing…)

I think I’ve pulled a muscle in my pelvis (why?!?!?) which according to yet another googled sports injury site is ”common in athletes who participate in high-impact sports, such as long distance runners. Treatment usually is successful by avoiding the impact activities.“
Avoidance?
Whyyyyyyyyy!?!?!!?
I was so careful, seriously, I even made a deal that after I ran the portland marathon I’d cut back on my running to save my future old age body from various problems and do some low impact exercises a few days a week instead, like swimming (blah.)

Whhhhy? (whiny noise)

At first, I tried denial, “it doesn’t hurt that bad, I’ll take a few days off, then just go walking, then running a few miles. “No biggie” I thought. “I’m so careful.”

(big sigh…)
It’s not getting better.
I’ve taken days off, I’ve stretched, I’ve pill popped, I’ve ran short distances, I’ve denied… nothing is working- it persists. Relentlessly.

Honestly, I’m still not sure what I’ll do… so like Dusty Springfield put it, I’m still hoping, and wishing, and pleading- or something like this… ((wait! didn’t she say that wouldn’t work!? crap.)) …that this setback will not set me back and that I’ll be up and running (literally) in a few days. Meanwhile, however, I am admittedly wallowing in self pity, and it didn’t help that as I drove through downtown portland this morning, there were ‘portland martathon’ banners adorning the street lamps, and people training on the waterfront…all terrible reminders of the constant apparent over-running induced aching in my pelvis.

Ever see that movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. where he’s a diver and injures his leg? I thought about that movie today as I made my way up the stairs.
Don’t worry, I wont.

I’d like to end this on a positive note…

I mean, maybe I’m being ridiculous…? Is one allowed to feel such disappointment along with “other emotional injuries” when it has nothing to do with unrequited love or anyone else relationally?
Sigh…
Here’s the positive note.

ehh. Forget it, I sat here for a long time staring blankly out the window when my mind brought me back to my freaking leg, marathons, and the likelihood of my own unrequited goals…

and i have concluded that there is nothing positive to say about this matter.
It only sucks.
period,the end.

allo london! September 18, 2008

a series of unfortunate events… September 5, 2008

while this may seem to be merely a list (ordered from least to most unfortunate), of my whining and complaining, be assured that this is actually for YOUR (yes you) benefit. trust me, the next time you think you’re having a bad day just reread this blog and you’ll feel all blessed and happy and thankful, and then you will realize that you were probably just over reacting- not that i’m “minimizing” the ‘unfortunate’ circumstances you may find yourself in… i’m just saying yo… 

arrival to London.

7. jet lag

6. terrible exchange rates. dollars have about as much value as cassette tapes or VHS tapes for that matter.

5. please see previous post, “weather today in heaven, partly cloudy.”

4. getting stung by two british bees. (numb leg, tinglely leg, red leg, numb leg, stingy leg)

3. taxi rides from the airport that cost approximately $120.

.2 waiting in the airport for five hours for my friend (sum’s new nanny) who was…

1. deported- back to the US

 

feeling better? …hoping that some good comes out of my pain, i think that might actually lessen it. 

 

but now, just to prove i’m not a complete pessimist here’s my “Look on the Bright Side”, list for all you optimist’s out there, who really do need good news to cheer you up.

7. sleep is over rated and 3am is a nice time to read and write. 

6. okay, can’t think of a good “bright side” for that one. will get back to you…(help me out optimists!!!)

5. rain hitting the roof at night is a lovely sound, plus to be honest, i like the rain most of the time.

4. i did not go into anaphlactic shock- i lived!!

3. the taxi driver was fun to talk to and taught me great british words which  i will implement into my vocabulary… ‘that bullock had some dodgy rates, but he took me past some brilliant sights.’

2 and 1 will always suck- you hear me passport control?!? you deported sum’s nanny! very dodgy, very dodgy indeed.  (don’t even touch this one optimists, you’re going to have to deal with the reality that utter suckiness, with no redemtpive value in sight, can sometimes occur… however, like i said, go to town with number 6.)

today’s weather in heaven… partly cloudy. September 4, 2008

Light Rain

Heavy Rain

Light Showers

 

in case you were wondering what the forecast for london will be for the next few days…