long time, no see March 31, 2008

 It’s been quite a long while since I’ve actually written a blog about my life…

my most avid and adoring fan/subscriber, my dad, is no longer reading it, so i haven’t been feeling particularly motivated to draft anything about any recent activities. In addition to that, my ‘recent activities’ have admittedly been less than interesting… it’s been a dichotomy of excess and depravation; they’ve included, sleep (depravation), coffee (excess), driving (excess), going to the gym (excess), and staring blankly at my computer screen thinking up excuses and justifications for procrastinating on my studies (academic depravation).

 so here’s the update for all you who are interested…

 It’s not that I feel like my life is some irreparable mess since January; leaving nursing school, moving back to the west coast, and once more returning to my semi-nomadic ways… it’s just that I feel like life is now… so incredibly unpredictable and out of our control.

 …which by the way… is okay with me…mostly.

 i’m like a tree whose roots have been…for lack of a better word… uprooted…and after ten months of living a such a transient existence, I feel more than ready to destroy my suitcase buy an actual dresser(!) and hangers (imagine that!) and feel ’settled.’ 

 The ultimate question…

 Where!!!?!

 I tell my friends, I must make myself very hard to love, because I am always swooping in and out of their lives.

it’s just that i have so many choices, and much as i hate to admit it, i’m easily persuaded, so i’m changing my mind constantly…

in my mind, there are three options right now, but as I previously stated, unpredictable- who knows what opportunities will present themselves between now and august 23^rd? after that date my most stressful courses will be completed, so i’ll be ready to focus on studying for my GRE, apply for schools again, and…wait….or something like that.

 since my return to my (very) brief residence in virginia beach, i have been bombarded (and i mean that in the most positive sense possible) with hopes and requests for my permanent return. An option?

my sweet SsSummer plans on finishing grad school in London and wants me to join her for a year. i’ll have the time while i am waiting to hear back on my apps, so….why not?! Yet another option.

i’m moving to portland this summer to complete some of my last classes… maybe i’ll stay so i can put and end to the madness of constantly moving…  i can even buy a dresser- this is very enticing!! again with the options!

i feel like no matter where i am… be it israel, portland, virginia, london, or god forbid, tacoma… i am missing someone. this isn’t completely negative, it just is. i wish i could pack eveyone i love in my suitcases and take them with me! 

since this is utterly impossible.. 

i anticipate this summer to be quite telling for me, ending  with a reemergence of clarity for my life. expect a blog near or on that date which will divulge my plans for the immediate future.

in the meanwhile… new and exciting updates from my travels with lots of pictures! yay

peace out. 

music! March 27, 2008

there’s only one this week…   i am completely enamored with glen hansard and marketa irglova’s version of van morrison’s        

           into the mystic

 

you can’t buy it on i tunes, so listen to it here: 

http://www.kcrw.com/music/programs/mb/mb070731glen_hansard_and_mar

oregon coast March 22, 2008

so in keeping with my pattern of random behavior the past few weeks…i decided it was time to hike again. last week i did big si in north bend… couple thousand ft elevation gain, and half of it was super snowy- awesome(!), and then fort worden in port townsend. this week i wanted to go to oregon, because their shores are beautiful…  today i hit the coast and did cannon beach and cape falcon. gorgeous does not describe it adaquately…(enter cheesiness)  the cliffs, the trees, the sky, and the waves, everything was so vivid… it was incredible. you must come! everyone must come to this shore! it’s too amazing to enjoy by one’s self. okay, enough of that. tomorrow it’s off to portland to chill with bri.yay for powells, bikes, and veganopolis.    

i like it. March 21, 2008

 two songs that i can’t stop listening to this week…

 1. rootless tree- damien rice- effing great, literally.

 

 2.i radio heaven- over the rhine

 ” do you need me

over

you wanna come

over

 this song is grinning

go on and undress it

it’s just the beginning

go on and possess it

you’re no longer a child now

don’t let them molest it

the wound is deep

i’m just trying to confess it

 the truth is i bleed you

when these frequencies cut me

i’m a slut with a mission

a singular vision

i radio heaven

i get mixed signals

i move the antenna

i switch the channels”

 i am also liking:

 

*bigger than my body- john mayer

*when in rome- nickel creek

the death of sunday March 8, 2008

today i thought,

“it doesn’t feel like sunday.”

then i realized

i don’t know what sunday feels like anymore.

 

 i think it is important for you to know

that this revelation i had,

while sitting there in the woods,

as i looked up at the light pouring through the cracks in those

dense green branches;

was intensely profound for me.

 

as i basked in Beauty

i pondered what it meant that i didn’t feel a void

like i thought i should

shouldn’t i feel shame or remorse?

 

i had not previously considered

the implications of the death of a day of the week.

 

an extra day to not set my alarm; a day of carefree

laziness

and

sleeping in.

no more masks, pedestals, expectations

or love that comes with condition

 

if i feel any guilt at all, it only comes from my lack of it

because in all honesty

i don’t really miss you.

 

so may you rest in peace sunday.

i grieve

for what you

could have been

what you should have been

 

maybe someday i will discover that you have

returned from the dead.

and that you are not what you once were…

 

but for now

i’ll turn over and burrow further down into my

safe and warm blankets

to dream of better days.